Nato Summit: History Stirs as World’s Leaders Descend on Old South Wales
Wednesday 3 September 2014
Police officers guarding the NATO Summit security wall in Cardiff. Photo: Wikipedia
Breath was bated in south Wales on Wednesday as citizens awaited the arrival of more than 60 individuals with the power to end the world as we know it.
The group – who call themselves The Leaders of the Free World – chosen by their respective citizens to wield immense power, convene infrequently to discuss the ongoing survival of the human race. The issues on the table at the Celtic Manor Resort in Newport are no less terrifyingly ominous than in the past, ranging from dealing with the existential threat posed by the Islamic State Of Death To The West (ISDTTW), to the equally apocalyptic ongoing war between Russia and No One (You Can’t Prove Anything).
A senior source in Whitehall said that the government was keen to “use every weapon in its arsenal” to appear “big and strong” in front of the world’s gaze. A security operation costing an estimated £50m has militarised a miles-wide corridor of south Wales, with tens of thousands of police, soldiers and private security contractors in friendly blue hats covering every possible route in and out of the area, while helicopters and Nato warships protect the two-day conference from attacks from the sea and air.
Meanwhile, in the towns of Newport and Cardiff, citizens went about their business. Many are perturbed by having their hometowns placed under lockdown, while others eagerly await the economic boost to the area that is almost certain never to arrive.
John Business, the head of banking at Globocorp Finance, said there could be “profound” benefits to the region. “Hosting such a prestigious event will give our crypto-fascist corporate overlords the confidence they need to wrap their tentacles around the region and sink their beaks into the hearts of men.”
Local residents showed notably less enthusiasm for their systematic subjugation and pillage. “It’s like an invasion,” said Mabel, a shopkeeper. “I feel like a terrorist. I’m not, though,” she said, adding nervously, “please don’t print that.”
State-of-the-art military hardware guards the golf course from terrorist attacks. Photo: The Guardian
But the Number 10 insisted that it was necessary, given the threat level, which was raised on Tuesday to Severe With a 20% Chance of Armageddon. “We have to decide how to intervene in the middle east,” said a senior source, “because we gave the Syrian rebels weapons and they turned against us, because we left a power vacuum in Iraq when we had to overthrow Saddam, because he turned against us after we had given him weapons to fight Iran, because the Ayatollah had overthrown the Shah we installed after we overthrew the democratic government of Iran, because they turned against us after we gave weapons to them, because…” he continued.
And he continued to continue: “You see, we had to invade Afghanistan because we gave the Mujaheddin weapons to fight the Soviets and they turned against us, because…”
When asked reluctantly about the situation in Ukraine, the minister simply screamed and ran away. At a meeting of the government’s emergency committee CLSTRFUK on Monday, an aide clarified the government’s position as “fuck fuck fuck fuck”.
The current world situation has shaken more than just politicians, however. A small group of protesters plan to march along a pre-approved route to the designated free speech zone. “They can’t ignore us,” said Sarah, a protester. “I mean, they can. And they do. I don’t know any more.”
Local historian Clive Jones provided some much needed historical context. “This area has a rich and colourful history,” he said. “Under the car park of the Celtic Manor hotel lays an ancient Roman mausoleum that bears the words 'unjust fate'. The Romans too conquered the known world, only to watch it slip from their grasp. They reached this place then, and unearthed horrors of which we could never dream. For there are even more ancient and horrifying religions than those we have now, and not even nuclear fire can calm their nascent ascent.”
He continued: “That these so-called men should come to such a place as this is a portent of u̺̻̘̙̳̠̘͂̊̊̅ͣn̫̺̩̾͂i̳͈̳͖̮̺͎̒ma͇g̀i̺̩̻͖̰ͭ͊̔ͦͧn̟̉̃a̓̓ͫͣ͌b̳̘̖̺͐̎̎̄ͪͣl̒ͯͯ̋ḛ̯̣̗͚ do̞ͮͣ͌̌̀̅ò̱͋̄ͧ̿̑ͫͅm̮͍̙͋̆̓̀. Man is not separate from nature and cannot escape from whence he came. For when T͎͔͖̲ͪ̔͋͋͑̓ẖ̭̼͕̣͑̽̃̔̓͑͋ë̗̣̫̙́͑͊̔̚ Gr̲̙̠̰̭͈̿̓̂ͪ̿e̪͙͎̘͇͐̾ͅa̳̣̎̍t̠͍̘̼̝̘̬͚̓͆̉̆̾ͦͅ G̦̜͈͉͈̏ͫ̇ỏ̲̬͍̖̥͆ͧ͒̒̽͆̈d͖̻̟͈́̌͐̆ is arisen, all will burn with a fiery wild lust, and the new Gods and their earthly ambassadors will be powerless to prevent their demise.”
The summit begins Thursday.
So it was that, in November 2012, I finally decided to sit down and get it written.
The story was untitled — or rather, over-entitled — but, in time, I took to calling it “THE MATTER OF LUCAS”. As in: “I need to deal with…”. As in: “that brings me to…”. As in… “it doesn’t” (matter).
Now that November is no more, and fifty thousand words have been extracted like bad teeth, I find myself in a place I’ve not been before. In fact, at times, I wonder if the gas ever really wore off.
But it’s not over yet. There’s still work to be done (isn’t there always?). Pointing and sealing. Closing and finishing. Please bear with us during these essential maintenance works.
"I’ll finish this, or it’ll finish me."
In the meantime, I will keep this blog updated with progress reports for those interested in how things are coming along. I might even post the occasional sneak peek (see above).
So thanks to everyone who’s shown an interest. I’ll never be able to repay you for your faith and your kindness, but I hope that, when it’s done, you get as much out of it as I have.